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For Dudes. By Dudes. In Dudes.
The funniest prostate toy brand on the internet. Savage humor, body-safe silicone, discreet shipping. Built for bears, twinks, gym bros, and every legend in between.
The Origin Story
Five years ago the boys were taking the piss about how every prostate toy brand is either some boring doctor stuff or a glittery rainbow explosion that takes itself way too seriously.
Someone said "bro, someone needs to make these that are actually funny."
So a washed-up rugby player, married, three kids, straight as a goalpost, decided to do exactly that. The only dude he's "in" is his wife. Sorry boys.
Welcome to the team, kings.
The Founder (the straightest guy who now knows more about butt toys than 99% of the internet)
The Lineup
The Hulk Fist
$69.99
For when you want a green monster to fist you like it owes you money. 10 vibration modes, body-safe silicone, waterproof.
The Ouchie
$89.99
So massive it comes with its own zip code. 12 inches of girthy silicone. 8 thunderous vibration modes. Advanced users only.
The Rugby Ram
$59.99
Tackles your P-spot harder than the founder used to tackle in college. Curved tip, perineum stimulator.
The Gentleman
$74.99
Matte black with gold trim. For the dude who likes to get destroyed in style.
The Commuter
$64.99
Slim wearable with app control. Sit in your 9am meeting and let your man ruin you from across town.
The Boyfriend Experience
$69.99
Warming tech to 107F. All the warmth, zero ghosting.
The Bear Claw
$54.99
Thick, ribbed, for bears and anyone who likes it THICC. Not for beginners.
The Rookie Pack
$39.99
Three graduated sizes. Go from "curious" to "addicted." Bonus pouch so your wife thinks it's golf balls.
The Vibranium
$59.99
Remote control from 30 feet away. Hand the remote to your boyfriend and pray he's feeling generous.
The Disco Stick
$44.99
LED lights that flash while it vibrates. Your insides get a Pride parade even if it's just Tuesday.
The Overachiever
$79.99
Dual motors. Prostate AND perineum at the same time. Because some of us never learned to do things halfway.
The Fireman's Hose
$49.99
10 inches of flexible vibrating silicone. Real heroes know how to handle long equipment.
The Touchdown
$44.99
Football-shaped plug. Score every single time.
The Pride Parade
$39.99
Rainbow beads. Wear your colors where the sun don't shine.
The Twizzler
$49.99
Pull it and the only thing you'll regret is not buying two. Red spiral beads with 360 rotation.
The Lube Dude
$19.99
Never. Skip. Lube. We're not your dad, but we'll still tell you.
100%
Body-Safe
Medical-grade silicone. Waterproof. Rechargeable. We take the materials as seriously as we take the jokes.
Plain
Brown Box
Discreet shipping. No product name on the label. Your mailman will never know. Your neighbors might guess.
0%
Cringe
No rainbow-washing. No corporate ally vibes. Just a brand that actually makes you laugh and gets you off.
This is for the bears, the twinks, the otters, the gym bros who say they're "just curious about prostate health," and every legend in between. Welcome to the team, kings.